Blue Jays
I lay in bed on the cusp of waking and sleep dancing between these two states and aware of my surroundings. It was May 12th. I had prayed for this day since you crossed. The day you would visit me. I knew you would come. What I didn’t expect was how vibrant you would make me feel! I felt a tangible shift in the room. I felt the high vibrations of love energy in my chest… swirling and cartwheeling. I felt the weight of your arms on mine hugging me. When I fully woke I lept out of bed. For the first time since May 5th I felt optimistic for how we would exist now and joyful for you because I felt your joy! It was an incredibly beautiful and uplifting visit.
For the next 2 days, despite that I wasn’t aware of another visit, I remained in this place of grieving from a lighter place, but the gift of that visit eventually wore off and by Mother’s Day I had begun to feel forgotten and abandoned. Sitting in your bedroom I fell apart. Agitated with you, I started sifting through your backpack – criticizing the objects inside that in my state of grief I deemed trash…. Agates, old wrappers, a mangled blue jay feather. Cries erupted from deep within me and for the first time I toggled between admonishing you and apologizing for my anger and frustration toward you. “Saunder why would you get in that water!? “How could you do this?” “Look what you’ve caused in our family!” Words that were trailed by feelings of my own shame, apologies for scolding you, and telling you over and over how that it was okay and I love you.
Your visit that followed in the early hours on May 16th didn’t feel anything like your visit on May 12th. At first it was an energy shift… a fire ignited inside me and then I became acutely aware of my throat. It burned and I had the strong sense something was caught in it. I felt you touch my back near my right shoulder blade… a pat, pat, pat that said to me, “I’m here, but I won’t ease the struggle.” I sat up urgently to dislodge what was in my throat but nothing was there. Now in my fully awakened state you were gone and I was agitated with you. I left for my walk with Mike feeling ornery. As we started on the lake path a Blue Jay dropped on the path not more than 3 feet from us… then another… and another. I was quiet about it but you had my attention. Mike commented that he’d never seen so many Blue Jays and how unusual it was for them to get so close. My confidence that you were directing our Blue Jay visits grew. We took our usual two laps around Lake Harriet and my mood began to soften.
When I got home I told you’re dad, “Saunder visits as a Blue Jay but I’m not sure why.” As I said it a blue jay touched down on the screen in front of us and then flew to the river birch one house away where is stayed and watched us for sometime.
I grabbed my phone and typed in “spiritual meaning of the Blue Jay” and this is what I read…
*The blue jay's striking blue color gives it a connection to the throat chakra. Blue jays have strong family bonds and are extremely loyal and protective. You've heard the phrase "true blue," which means loyal. Consider blue jays to be true blue—literally and figuratively.
**When the Throat chakra is functioning at full capacity, it allows us to express ourselves truly and clearly.
***The Blue Jay symbolizes loyalty, protection, intuition, and expression.
I recalled the feeling I had early in the morning when my throat burned and felt blocked. I thought of the mangled blue jay feather in your backpack. You were here. Telling me to unapologetically express my feelings. Feelings of anger, disappointment, and frustration. You were here… pat, pat, pat… but these were my “true blue” feelings. Mine to express; to hold and release in my time. You weren’t here to soften and change them, but you are here… pat, pat, pat. Our bond is forever, strong, loyal, and protective just like the Blue Jay.
I went into your sister’s bedroom and kissed her on the cheek. “Avery! Saunder visits as a Blue Jay!”
Thirty minutes later I was at Bachman’s when Avery texted me with a video. She heard the obnoxious and persistent call of a bird outside her window. She opened her curtain to see you on the gutter two feet from her window saying ‘morning, sis” and hoping she would notice you.
Since then you have visited friends and family over and over again. Thanks for saying ‘hi’ again and again. Your visits continue to be a reminder to us that those on the Other Side are much closer than we imagine them to be.
*https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/blue-jay-spiritual-meaning
**https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/7-chakras-for-beginners