Glimmers

(Read by Jessica at the Celebration of Life)

The past 6 weeks have held the most difficult moments of our life. Within those difficult moments, however, there have also been “glimmers”... as my friend Anne said.

We arrived on the North Shore the evening of Saunder’s passing on May 5th, and Saunder’s Lutsen family gave us the unforgettable gift of 5 days that we took to process and grieve Saunder’s departure in a place Saunder loved. Healing began, and with it came so many glimmers…. as friends and family arrived on the North Shore to grieve and care for us, we shared stories and we laughed a lot! We took Saunder’s walk along the river that embraced him — today I consider that walk a glimmer as it furthered us on the path of acceptance and healing. 

We touched all the precious items in his dorm room–smelled his clothes, held his books and rocks, and read his notes… Most notable was His monthly budget, hung prominently on his door. An itemized list of expenses and a “wish list” on the back that included a singing bowl and mango. There was a reminder on the note …

$300 for 2 weeks DO NOT. GO OUT. OF BUDGET!

The morning of May 5th, he bought $600 bike hubs…… absolutely obliterating his budget.

Saunder’s belongings were lovingly packed by Jason and our friends Krist and Jenny including dismantling the epic inverted 10 foot bouldering wall he built in his room. You could see his chalk hand prints on the wall. 

Again, we found a note placed intentionally on it …

“No worries, Boss. Resort property was not harmed in the making of this wall”. 

The wall will be reinstalled on the outside of Jason’s studio. 

On May 9th, we were blessed with another glimmer, as the evening before a private and small visitation was scheduled to be held at a funeral home, our friends Beth and James arranged to have Saunder brought to their home instead, so that we could take meaningful private moments saying our good-bye in an intimate and beautiful space. Our sunken spirit soared to be given this gift.  

Beth, James and our friend Mary hosted our family and extended family for the visitation. Saunder’s pallbearers Zach, John, Gabe, Keiren, Ethan, Moses, James, and Dylan honored Saunder’s friendship and our family in such a meaningful way.  To experience private moments with Saunder in a sunroom basked in sunlight is a memory we will cling to tightly, forever.

What followed the visitation was a gathering of family and friends planned by Jenny and Krist and hosted by our friends Peter and Jaquie of Red Wagon Pizza.These two have shown up for our family time and time again. The time at Red Wagon was vibrant… stories and tears and laughs and seriously good food and drink. May 10th has played another important role in our healing.

Our children… GLIMMERS!! The bond between Saunder, Avery, and Asher is unbreakable. To witness the strength of our children as they took their brother’s hand, placed their cheek to his cheek, whispered  words of love, and recounted memories in his ear... Glimmers of strength and devotion and of deep deep love that will sustain us forever. 

The love that we have for our children is immeasurable, but expressed often. Jason especially, has always found the time to write the most beautiful notes to our kids. This is the most recent letter, gifted to Saunder, that we found lovingly laid on his bedside table …

JASON’S NOTE::

Saunder,

Our wish for you is that you pursue your passions with grit and wit—knowing that great effort wins the day and a smile. That happiness is an outcome from this pursuit. 

That you become what you become in time.

Your third decade awaits.

It is an identity maker.

A foundation setter.

A profound era of exploration and feats. 

Go enjoy it. It is yours for the making.

Love Dad

Those words Jason wrote to Saunder held such different meaning for us all when it was gifted to him. As we reflect on the words, written in such different context, we have found that many of the phrases translate and fit into the circumstances we now find ourselves in today. In hindsight, these words have transformed for us and in our hearts, continuing to guide us down the road of healing.

We have had meals provided to our family every day since we lost Saunder and a steady stream of beautiful cards, thoughtful gifts, and notes from hundreds! Thank you for the glimmers.

Today!… GLIMMERS! Thank you Mary, Beth and Erinn for ALL the planning of this incredible celebration!! Ruth LeMay for music and sound. Erica for opening this venue to us—it had to be here  …saunder loved these trails! Scott Streble thank you for capturing all the moments on camera.  And Regan, Erinn and Ollie for leading us today through this hour of devotion and story sharing .

Saunder was a writer and a dreamer. We treasure the dream journal he kept. A leather bound notebook book filled with daily entries and the dreams he diligently cataloged and digested. We keep it in an etagere in our study with his crystals, singing bowl, 35mm camera, photos, with the ashes of both Saunder and his dog Griffin. 

I’ll leave with one of his entries from April 2023 and a poem he wrote in 2021.

:: Poem and Dream entry under *Legacy* on this site